Boy Meets Girl (Part 2)

The Porch at Watermark, August 9, 2011

Jonathan Pokluda, Boy Meets Girl

Intro: JP's daughter, Presley, loves cats. JP's parents have two cats and Presley and Finley love playing with them. What this means: cats absolutely HATE Presley. Presley doesn't know how to love cats--she grabs them by the fur, throws them, etc in her attempt to love them. While she thinks she is loving them, she is hurting them. In the same way, we as young adults don't know how to love each other.

If you are here and you want to be loved or to love somebody, that is okay. It's good. It's how God designed it to be. But before you can return that love or give it, there are things that we need to understand from Scripture and what the Lord has said.

Are You Ready To Love? (1 Cor. 13)



1) Is Your Love Right or Wrong? (v1-3)

- Paul is saying that you may be the slickest talker in the world and say amazing things, but if your heart is not right and your motive not pure, it's just noise

- it comes on fast with emotion, but doesn't last

- it's the motivation of your life for the moment

- that can be an extremely addictive thing and feeling

- you may spend your entire life chasing that feeling--it fades like a clashing symbol!

- when it fades, there has to be a commitment

- illustration: song by Keisha, "Your Love Is My Drug"

- - terrible song but it is true

- illustration: Eminem, "Love The Way You Lie"

- - tragic but true, because the world has taught me otherwise

- we keep going back like a dog to it's vomit to bad relationships

- you have to get well and take a season to work on you

- some of us want something so bad that we are hurting people and hurting ourselves

- that isn't meant to discourage you, because there is hope--Christ

- the reality is that we want to be happy and want to be filled

2) Are You Ready To Love? (v4-7)

- v4-7, that's what love looks like

- what do we value most? We value passion and chemistry

- passion and chemistry can be created and comes easy, esp when you start doing things you shouldn't be doing

- that's what they do on "The Bachelor"

- love is patient, love is kind--it doesn't come naturally

- it is something that we work for

- Questions:

- - are you patient? Are you a patient person?

- - are you kind? Are you jumping on service opportunities?

- - are you easily angered? Can you go from zero to frustrated like the snap of a finger?

- - do you take pride in being the sassy one?

- - do you keep track of people's wrongs and remind them of it?

- - do you find joy in other's failures?

- - do you play games?

- - are you concerned about the well-being of others?

- - do you trust?

- - are you willing to push through difficult life circumstances with someone?

- you don't want to date someone with the intent of trying to change them

- you trust that the Spirit will continue to conform them to Christ, but you accept them as they are

- music: if your music calls women "hoes" or worse (objectifying people), don't listen to it

- why would you celebrate that for which Christ died?

- if your music is causing you to objectify the opposite sex, you're being sold

- this love does not play games, Rom. 12:9

- this love is sincere--it doesn't play hard to get

- this love is true, truthful, intentional

- this love protects, guards hearts, Prov. 4:23

- - if you're "just friends" and it's a guy and a girl, very likely hearts are running

- - you may protest, but look back--how's that working?

- you were meant to be attracted to the opposite sex, not friends

- you don't see a lot of guy-girl friends in Scripture

- guys: be intentional, let them know where they stand

- girls: guard your heart, if you know you can't just be friends with that guy, don't

- trust: you need to learn to trust, not to trust on someone

- take 12 months and go to re:generation on Mondays

- be patient and take a break from dating to get well

3) Are You Preparing To Love? (v8-13)

- the Scriptures are about your relationship with God through Christ

- it is all about Him, not your relationships with people

- ask your community, ask others: do I love others well? Does loving well mark me?

- illustration: a guy told JP the other day that he hates having roommates--don't get married

- every problem that JP has observed in a marriage was brought into it

- Gal. 5:22-23, 1 John 4:7, love comes from God

- this is one of the reasons why we as believers only date believers--because only believers can love this way

- work on your relationship with God

- God loves you SO MUCH and sent His Son, His most prized possession, to die for you

- you are loved and you can love! 1 John 4:19, take a season to learn that...

Interview with couples who are married and who JP has observed them dating and then married

Q1: what single people problems did you bring into marriage?

A1: Greg: tend to be hard on people; Brandon: harshness; Sammy: selfishness, doing what I wanted when I wanted, even the small things like leaving on the lamp at night

Q2: what are your thoughts on casual dating?

A2: Katy: Scripturally, dating is intentional toward marriage, which is the opposite of casual; Crystal: I dated a lot of people before Sammy and wish I could have wiped out about 70% of them because they were short and casual, and I didn't know how to work through those challenges and conflict

Q3: if I truly have a desire for a life partner, will God bless me with that someday?

A3: Alicia: God does not promise marriage in Scripture, but God is faithful to satisfy us--He should be our lover now and if/when I marry; JP: I don't know--it's up to God

Q4: for those who are intended by the Lord for marriage, do you think God has a person in mind for me to marry?

A4: Brandon: no, I don't believe that's true. My wife is my life partner and because of that commitment, she is the one. JP: is there someone out there better for my wife Monica than me? Absolutely. There's someone more compatible out there, but I am not worried about it. There is a pool of people out there--those committed to Christ--who you can marry. "The one

Q5: how do I respond when I go on a date with a guy and he says he isn't ready for commitment? Why is he dating?

A5: Crystal: red flag! Greg: guys, if you don't see yourself going in that direction, then take a season off. Katy: if you're a woman, understand your worth in Christ and keep dating (not that guy, another guy)

Q6: I simply don't command as much attention as others with money. Is there a spiritual solution to this?

A6: JP: no. You don't want to date women who are interested in your money.

Q7: what advice do you have for keeping a long-distance relationship growing together in Christ with all the miles in between?

A7: Sammy: it's hard and you have to work on it. Prov. 3:5-6. You can leverage it to work on communication.

Q8: should having sexual intercourse "accidentally" with someone once affect your future relationships?

A8: JP: first, that wasn't an accident or mistake. You made that choice. You have to own it. Alicia: I made that choice and had to work together with Greg through that. I checked with my community and determined it was the right time to share with him. Greg opened up the Word and focused on forgiveness and grace. There is a man who is out there who will know he is just as much a sinner and understands grace in Christ. Brandon: it isn't a comfortable or fun conversation to have. You don't have to have that conversation on the first date. You should have the conversation at the right time and place, and understand that the ground at the foot of the Cross is level. We are all guilty yet redeemed in Christ. Katy: there is hope and redemption. JP: you're getting a lot of our opinion and a lot of it aligns with God, but test it all. If your relationship is heading toward the long-term, share and make sure they know that.

Q9: many peers of mine think that a desire for a relationship is a lack of security or completion in Christ. What should I do?

A9: unless they are saying that you aren't ready (i.e. get well), then no, that isn't correct unless God has given you the gift of celibacy.

Q10: I've decided to wait to kiss until I marry. Am I being too legalistic?

A10: Crystal: cheers to you. Scripture says to flee youthful lusts and kissing rarely stops there. JP: I just officiated a wedding with people who waited and they didn't have regrets, even though people thought they were crazy.

Q11: is online Christian dating Biblical?

A11: Sammy: there is a way that can be done wisely and a way to abuse it. A lot use it to shack up. Reputation is important (as JP said last week) and all you have is their profile. But there can be a way to do it safely with friends, etc. JP: it seems like a shortcut but we aren't ready to knock it.

Q12: how do you know when you've found the one?

A12: Greg: I just knew. I did things that were uncharacteristic of me. I'm a planner and over-analytical, but I came back from the first date and said I'm going to marry her. Crystal: my whole life I grew up in Christian family, college, etc. But I was always the spiritual leader. Then I met Sammy and all the things that my church and family said exist as a godly man were in Sammy. Don't compromise. He was pursuing purity and godliness wholeheartedly. You will know it.

You are loved by the Creator of the universe. Pursue Him.