Don't Date This Man

As part of our Cupid series, I listed some things a woman should look for in a man. These were traits that good husbands tend to have, and are things that guys should strive to be.

Even good guys won’t be perfect, and won’t fully do those things 100% of the time. Any real relationship must include forgiveness, and having a successful marriage requires a lot of forgiveness. Before committing to marriage, though, you don’t want to overlook too many red flags. Because although there are positive characteristics you should look for in a guy, there are also negative traits that you should avoid. And though I do desire for you to be in a relationship, I want it to be a healthy relationship.

So, if you are considering going down the dating road with someone, here are 10 signs that you should probably take a U-turn and look somewhere else.

10 Signs You Are Dating the Wrong Guy

In no particular order. Girls, avoid marrying a guy who is:

1. Unknown. To make dating simpler, remember that the pool of people available for you to date is probably a relatively small group. If you don’t know who they are and what they are about, you can’t consider whether they have the important characteristics you are looking for. (Proverbs 18:17)

2. Sexually immoral. Basically, this means he is not willing to set boundaries and wait until marriage for the pursuit of sexual pleasure. If he appears to be a godly guy until he gets you alone, he may just be a good actor. (Ephesians 5:3)

3. Arrogant. Is he willing to admit when he is wrong? Does he listen to and respect your opinion? (Psalm 119:21)

4. Insecure. Does he focus on his inadequacies or the inadequacies of others? Does he put others down in order to feel better about himself? (2 Timothy 1:7)

5. Dishonest. I don’t think this one really needs any explanation. (Luke 16:10)

6. Passive. Does he let you know where you stand, or leave you guessing about the relationship and his intentions? Does he even know what his intentions are? Guys, this is a big part of that ambiguous “leading well” term you keep hearing about. (1 Timothy 3:12)

7. Selfish. Does he focus mostly on what he has and what he wants? Is his status or reputation his primary motive? If he is focused on self and does not consider the needs of others, he will fail miserably at loving his wife as Christ loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25)

8. Unforgiving. Does he hold grudges? We have all been forgiven much and should therefore be willing to forgive others. (Matthew 18:21-22)

9. Angry. Does he “blow up” at little problems? Trust me, there are going to be a lot of little problems in marriage. And let’s go ahead and institute a “one strike” rule: if he strikes you once, he’s out. (Proverbs 22:24)

10. An unbeliever. If you are following Christ, then this is non-negotiable. Put away your excuses or justifications. We’re talking about contrasting worldviews that are (or should be) at the heart of everything you do in life. If you are a believer and are willing to marry someone who does not believe in God, then you need to ask yourself what you are a “believer” in. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Men, if you see yourself in any of these items, now would be the time to work on correcting those problems. Next week, we'll have a list of things for you to avoid when dating.

Women, what things have served to sabotage your past relationships?

JP