What You Are Looking For

One interesting aspect of having a blog is that you get to see the search terms people used to find it. You type something into Google, look through the results, and click on the link that you think will give you the answer you are looking for.

There is just one problem: we often don't have the answers. For some reason, search engines sometimes give our blog more credit than it deserves. So people are looking for something, clicking on our site, and totally not finding what they are looking for.

We're very sorry about that. But since Google continues to misdirect people our way, we thought we would at least try to actually provide what you are looking for. So, here are some of the actual search terms that direct people to this site, along with whatever answers we could find.

Is Scotty Smiley still in the army?

Apparently, yes.

Where does Tony Romo go to church?

I could answer this, but I'm not completely comfortable sharing that information. Stalker. Besides, admit it: you're really just hoping you can play basketball with him.

Blue Heeler fear issues

Maybe you were bitten by one as a child?

Why are they called Heelers?

Because they tend to go for the animal's heels. The name distinguishes them from Header dogs, who tend to go for the animal's head.

How to train a Heeler to herd cattle

Sorry, but if I knew that, it wouldn't be chasing cars.

Matt Chandler talks about porn

Yes, he does. Sometimes.

What is wrong with Matt Chandler?

He has brain cancer, and has undergone chemotherapy. Pray for him.

And, apparently, he sometimes talks about porn.

Does it say in the Bible that God loves?

Yes, it does.

Which NASCAR driver should I root for?

Ricky Bobby.

Destruction in rear view mirror

I would recommend taking driver's ed.

How to say thank you to someone who is s

Wait, what? You stopped short with "s". Now I really want to know what that person is that begins with "s". Are they special to you? So important in your life? Spanish? Southern? Socially awkward? So far away?

Without more information, I can't be certain that I'm giving you the right answer. But, I'll venture a guess and suggest you say "Gracias".

Kanakuk Kamp denied

Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. Perhaps you can try Sky Ranch instead?

1 Timothy 4:12 tattoo

Wait. Before you do anything permanent, let's think about this for a minute. 1 Timothy 4:12 is indeed a great Bible verse. It says:

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Now, we can debate whether or not getting a tattoo sets a good example or not, or whether it would cause some older people to look down on you. But I am more interested in the "young" part. This verse is excellent for those who are young. But, like diamonds, tattoos are forever (or at least the earthly version of "forever"). Which means, for most of your life, the tattoo won't really apply to you personally. And as you age, your skin ages, so someday this encouragement to youngsters will be all wrinkled and old, and you will have accidentally become ironic.

So, I think the answer is "no".

How to date someone addicted to porn

I think the real question you should be asking yourself is not how, but rather "should I date someone who is addicted to porn?"

Who is buying Porchas?

I don't know. I can only afford to drive Chavrolats.

• Kevin