What You Are Looking For (3rd Edition)

Welcome Google sojourners! If you have come here looking for “young adult ministries in Dallas,” “midweek singles ministry in DFW,” or even “free hangout places in Dallas, TX for young adults,” then you have come to the right place.

However, if you are one of our (several) visitors who searched for “where does Tony Romo live?” or the one guy asking “how did Hebrews make charcoal?” I am afraid that our site is not going be all that helpful.

To help solve that problem, we have once again scoured the search logs to find out what people are looking for when they come to this website.

Below are some real Google search strings that have directed people here, along with our attempts to better answer them.

What is The Porch at Watermark Dallas?

The Porch is a young adult worship service that meets at Watermark Community Church on Tuesday evenings at 7 p.m. It extends beyond Tuesday nights, though, as people choose to get involved in regular service projects, sports, community groups, and the like. Through it, and more despite us than because of us, people are finding real life, freedom, forgiveness, and purpose.

Who goes to The Porch at Watermark?

Dallas twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings, including: uptown girls, country boys, alcoholics, drug dealers, porn addicts, single parents, abortionists, adulterers, perfectionists, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, legalistic Christians, hypocrites, homosexuals, the suicidally depressed, party animals, geeks, freaks, and sinners. At least, that is what we once were; now, we are new. But enough about our leadership team.

How many people attend Watermark The Porch?

On an average Tuesday, around 1,500 to 2,000. Not everyone attends every week, so there are probably twice that many Porch-goers overall.

Childcare The Porch Watermark Dallas

Childcare is provided for anyone from 8 weeks to 12 years old. It is located on the first floor of the tower. Anyone at the welcome center or any Porch volunteer should be able to show you where it is located.

Letter to the President from Weston

Weston is something like 2 months old. I’m sure he is exceedingly smart, but I don’t think he is advising on foreign policy or budget decisions quite yet.

On second thought, maybe he is. It would explain some things.

Matt Chandler in Spanish

“Mateo Cerero.”

Do guys want to DTR?

Though some might be afraid to have that conversation, most guys dislike ambiguity and do want to know where they stand.

Kiss but no DTR

I think that the kiss itself counts as a DTR, unless he normally kisses people he is just friends with.

Kiss another guy before DTR

I think that also defines the relationship, but in a much different way.

Can I tell him I like him without DTR?

I think you are looking at DTR too much as an event. DTR simply means “define the relationship.” It doesn’t have to be a specific, scheduled sit-down talk. Just be clear and honest in your intentions and feelings, and don’t play games.

Guys aren’t asking girls out

Want to grab coffee sometime?

“Coffee sometime” leads to sex

Oh, wait…it does? Must be good coffee.

Premarital sex is a sin

Yes, it is. And you won’t regret waiting until after marriage to have coffee sometime.

Premarital sex not sin

The person above would seem to disagree.

Is porn considered adultery?

According to Jesus, yes.

Can I be forgiven from God for adultery and homosexual acts?

Absolutely! God can handle your issues. He is not surprised, and does not love you less because of it. He sent His Son to die for it, and the death penalty is enough to pay the price for any wrong. The penalty has already been paid; you just need to accept and trust in that forgiveness.

Why do guys take girls out on dates if they aren’t ready to be serious?

If someone is dating but is not looking for a serious relationship, they must be looking for something else instead. Namely: “coffee sometime.” Hold out for something better.

Dating a new guy, should I be honest with him?

Yes. And avoid coffee.

How to be honest if you are dating someone else

Try this: “I’m dating someone else.”

How can I stand here and let the person I like date someone else

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I know that can be really tough. But you are going to have to move on, and eventually sit down. It may be hard to believe at times, but God does have something better planned for you.

Church shopping how to do it

Have you seen the Black Friday crowds at Baptists “R” Us? I would recommend church-committing instead. It’s cheaper.

Do red heelers chase cars?

Yes. Red cars.

How to stop a car from chasing you down the driveway

Wait—a car is chasing you down the driveway? Right now?

How to lead worship at The Porch

Well, next week (December 11) is the last time we will meet in 2012 before breaking for Christmas. Patrick Ryan Clark will be leading worship that Tuesday.

To lead worship in 2013, the main requirement is that your first name needs to be either “Shane,” or “Shane.” That’s because Shane & Shane have been announced as the new worship leaders at The Porch! Get excited!

Oh, but that means you are probably out of luck. Sorry about that. We could always let you play in the lobby, or something.

• Kevin