The Road Back From Betrayal | Kylen Perry

Porch, how are we doing? Are we doing okay tonight? Great to see you. Welcome to The Relationship Series. If you're here for the very first time, over the course of the last several weeks we have been navigating God's design for connecting to one another. I'm really excited for where we're headed this evening.

Before we go there, I do want to say "Hey" to some special friends who are tuning in online. All of Porch.Live, we're so grateful y'all are a part of what God is doing here in Dallas, and I'm grateful that he's doing something exactly where you are. Special shout-out to Porch.Live Fresno, Porch.Live Fort Worth, and Porch.Live Midland, Texas.

In The Count of Monte Cristo, Edmond Dantes said, "I, who have also been betrayed, assassinated, and cast into a tomb, have emerged from that tomb by the grace of God, and I owe it to God to take my revenge. He has sent me for that purpose. Here I am." Don Vito Corleone said in The Godfather, "Revenge is a dish that tastes best when served cold."

Maximus in the movie Gladiator said, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North; general of the Felix Legions; loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius; father to a murdered son; husband to a murdered wife; and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride said, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." And Taylor Swift said this:

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time,

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time,

I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined,

I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me do

Look what you…

We'll stop there. Ah, the feeling of revenge, something our world can relate to so well since every single one of us, regardless of where we are or what our station is in life, will find ourselves betrayed to one degree or the next. Why do I tell you that? Because this idea of betrayal, whether it's betrayal of values or personality or privacy or your background or religious affiliation… Whatever it may be, all of us are subject to being betrayed at one point or another, and that betrayal is frequently the underlying force behind most estranged relationships today.

It's interesting. If you go and look at the market research, you'll find that the largest national survey on estranged relationships recently found that 25 percent of Americans will experience an estranged relationship at some point in their life. That means one out of every four people will experience estrangement. Meaning, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle aren't the only ones who feel a rift in the family. You and I are subject to experiencing this at some point ourselves.

To carry on the idea, just one look at the bestsellers list for parenting and relationships on Amazon will also prove this is true, because books like Set Boundaries, Find Peace; Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents; It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People; I'm Glad My Mom Died (which is apparently a comedy, but it sounds like there's some pain there); and Trauma Bonding all made the top 25.

In a different study done by Cornell, researchers found that 10 percent of all people surveyed within our nation are presently in an estranged relationship. Right now, out of the total American population, 10 percent of people are experiencing estrangement. That means 33 million people right now are experiencing this.

Why do I tell you all of this information? Because there's a strong probability that each of us will face estrangement at some point in our lives, and there's a really strong possibility that some of you are facing estrangement right here tonight. The reason I unpack all of that for you is we need to understand what it looks like for us to move through what is likely not just a possibility but an inevitability for all of us. We're not just going to experience it personally, but we're likely going to meet someone, know someone, or be related to someone who is experiencing this themselves.

How do we move our way through it? As we consider lost love, broken relationships, and damaged unions on the basis of things like abuse, whether it's sexual or emotional or physical, or divorce, abandonment by a parent, a violation of one's own privacy, or your boundaries not being respected by someone…there's control and manipulation perpetuated in your life by someone else…what does it look like for us to walk through these types of difficulties and find ourselves better on the other side?

You see, estrangement is not something where we should ask the question of whether or not it will find us. The question is what to do when it finds us, which is exactly what I want to talk to you about tonight. In order for us to do it, we're going to be in the book of Genesis. A good place for you to land is probably chapter 42, but I'll just level with you from the get-go here. We're going to be all over the grid, because the guy we're looking at tonight, one who is extremely familiar with betrayal, is a guy by the name of Joseph.

What you need to know is his story unpacks from chapter 37 all the way to chapter 50. We're going to work through all of that literature together tonight, so we're not going to be in just one passage. We're going to be moving across a lot of Scripture. So, here's my encouragement to you. Follow what's on the screens, and then go read it later on. Read all 13 chapters. Catch up on what's happening in the life of Joseph.

Why we're looking at him is I want us to consider how we walk the road back from betrayal. He is the perfect person to look at to help us understand it, because this brother's story is riddled with betrayal. You meet him when he's 17 years old, and you find that more cycles of betrayal and abuse move through his life in just a matter of 13 years than likely many of us will experience in a lifetime.

Just to give you some context so you understand, Joseph was abused by his family, trafficked by strangers, used by people he worked for, sexually assaulted by his boss' wife, falsely accused, thrown into prison, and forgotten by the people he thought were his friends. For 13 years, he moves from one abusive situation to another. He's betrayed by people he trusts, and he is victimized again and again and again.

Never do you see him as being solely in the wrong. He never takes the offending seat. He is always sitting in the offended seat. Yet, though this happens to him over and over and over again, what you find as you study Joseph's story is that he's not alone, because over and over and over again, God is with him, which brings us to our first point.

As we consider what it looks like to walk the road back from betrayal in our lives, we need to know that God never abandons the abandoned. After Joseph was beaten, stripped, and sold into slavery by his brothers, we learn that God didn't abandon him. It says in Genesis 39:2-3, "The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man, and he was in the house of his Egyptian master. His master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord caused all that he did to succeed in his hands."

So much so that he rose to power within his master's house. His master's name was Potiphar. Joseph, because the Lord's favor was upon his life, rises to a position of power, so much so that he's running the entire estate. Things are going extremely well until Potiphar's wife tries to seduce him. Because he rejects her advances and she's scorned in rejection, she ends up deciding to lie about him, mar his character, and have him fired from his job and ultimately thrown into prison. Yet, though all of it happened, God did not abandon him.

We see in Genesis 39:21, "But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison." So much favor, in fact, that Joseph is not just a prisoner; he is the leader of the entire cellblock. He's running the prison. As he's doing so, he meets a couple of different guys, some cellmates of his, who are having some dreams. They're losing sleep to a couple of different dreams they can't seem to interpret. That's kind of Joseph's specialty. If you know anything about his story, he's the interpreter of dreams.

So, they unpack for him what they're dreaming about in the evening, and Joseph tells them exactly what's up. We learn that one of them gets out of prison and ultimately reascends back to the court of Pharaoh himself. Joseph tells him, "Hey, that's going to happen. Once you go, don't forget about me. I'm locked up down here, but I'm not supposed to be down here. So, when you get back to Pharaoh's side, remember my name and bring me out from where I am."

As goes Joseph's luck, he's totally forgotten about. He's left in prison. The guy does not keep his word whatsoever…that is, until Pharaoh begins to have some dreams of his own, some things he cannot interpret, so he decides to ask around and see if anybody knows of someone who can prophesy of dreams. It just so happens that Joseph's old cellmate remembers. "I do know a guy. There's this guy named Joe. He's down in cellblock A. Pull him out. He can help you interpret your dream."

So, Joseph gets brought out to Pharaoh, and he begins to interpret to Pharaoh all that he has been dreaming. He not only tells him, "Hey, this is the problem coming." He tells him of a solution to that problem. Pharaoh is so impressed he hires him on the spot, brings him onto his team. What you realize is that God did not abandon him. Genesis 41:37-41:

"This proposal [that Joseph made] pleased Pharaoh and all his servants. And Pharaoh said to his servants, 'Can we find a man like this, in whom is the Spirit of God?' Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, 'Since God has shown you all this, there is none so discerning and wise as you are. You shall be over my house, and all my people shall order themselves as you command. Only as regards the throne will I be greater than you.'"

That's a position of power. He's second-in-command of the ruling empire of the day, Egypt. That's exactly what Pharaoh says. "See, I have set you over all the land of Egypt." Over and over again, though Joseph was repeatedly abandoned by those he trusted, he was never abandoned by a God who is actually trustworthy.

Because he knows it, Joseph never takes matters into his own hands. He never rages against the heavens or raises a fist to God. He never tries to finesse and angle his way out of the difficulties he's facing. Instead, he just decides to trust the Lord where he is despite the fact that all the betrayal he has experienced has leveled him to a position he never should have been in. He trusts the Lord who raises him consistently.

What's crazy about it is no one would have blamed him if he would have raised a fist to heaven. No one would have looked at him and been like, "Dude, you're crazy. Why are you doing that?" The odds are that we would have done that ourselves, that we, in the face of such injustice, would have looked at God and been like, "What are you doing? Why is this happening? It makes no sense, God." Yet Joseph doesn't do it.

It's interesting. As I was trying to pull together some examples to help us understand how popularized revenge is in our culture, I decided to leave them on the table, because I don't need to pull a bunch of mainstream references to help us understand that revenge is popular. I just need to point to you. The truth of the matter is we think revenge is a pretty popular idea. We need only look to ourselves to realize this is often the response we choose ourselves.

We don't reflect what Joseph does; we, instead, reflect what the world does. Just think about it. What happens when you get cut off in traffic? You laugh because you do know what happens when you get cut off in traffic. "Oh, no, you didn't!" You hit the gas and swerve out, and you cut them off. You make sure you get right back in your respective position. You establish streetside superiority. How dare they?

What happens when someone writes a negative comment on one of your posts? "Oh! I'm going to get on their profile. I'm going to incriminate them. I'm going to figure out what it is about them that gives them absolutely no validity with any respect to an opinion that they have to say about me. Then you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to respond with something so much smarter than what they said that they're going to look dumb in front of everybody who has read their post."

What about when you run into the people who used to mock you in high school? "Oh, baby, when that 10-year reunion shows up, I'm going to look good. I'm going to be successful. I'm going to be fit. I'm going to be ready. They're going to know. I'm going to make sure everyone is put on notice that I have actually surpassed them all." This is our natural response. We don't want to turn the other cheek. We don't want to pull punches. We don't want to bite our tongue. We want justice. We want vindication. We want revenge.

So, what are you wanting revenge for tonight? Let me ask. What do you think it's going to cost you to get it? If the research is true, it's going to cost you so much more than it's going to cost the person you're trying to get revenge from. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "In spite of the fact that the law of revenge solves no social problems, men continue to follow its disastrous leading. History is cluttered with the wreckage of nations and individuals that pursued this self-defeating path."

So, if we're not supposed to pursue revenge, how are we supposed to respond differently to the injustices in our lives? We need to remember what Joseph does. What does Joseph do? What does Joseph know? He knows the sovereignty of God rules over the atrocities of men. The sovereignty of God rules over every atrocity in mankind.

Just a few years ago, some really dear friends of mine and Brooke's were dealt with some really tragic news. They learned they had had a miscarriage. The reason it was especially difficult for them in that moment, though every miscarriage is tragic, was this was their first pregnancy. They learned they had had a miscarriage, and in a moment where no one would have blamed them for being frustrated with God…

No one would have looked at them and been like, "Man, it doesn't make sense that you're angry with the Lord, that you feel like he has abandoned you, that you're raising a fist and raging against the heavens." They chose not to do any of it. Instead, they remained faithful, consistent in their belief. Why? Because they trusted God's character. They trusted God's sovereignty.

They knew, "There's nothing in heaven or on earth that does not pass which God does not allow, and what we know is he's good. Our God is so good; therefore, we're not going to give up on him. We're not going to question him. We're not going to lose trust, because we believe he's the one who's in control. He's the one who works for good. He's the one who takes something so broken as this and somehow makes it into beauty."

Because this was their perspective, they named their little girl Eden, which means delight. The reason they named her Eden is, as they would tell her story to those watching around, they wanted people to know, "Hey, God is the giver of life, not just in the here and now, but he's the giver of life forever and always."

That's what a perspective that properly understands God's sovereignty looks like. A perspective like that can stare down the barrel of the world's worst and still stake claim on the fact that God is good, that he can be counted on, that he has not forgotten, that he has not run out on you, that he hasn't abandoned you.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Hebrews 13:6 says, "So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'" This kind of perspective is so important as we consider what it looks like to walk back down the road from betrayal, because without this kind of perspective, everything else we talk about moving forward from this point tonight is fruitless.

If you don't have this focus, then everything else is useless. You might as well pack up and go home. Everything in Joseph's life was undergirded by the reality that he trusted God. He knew, "The Lord is sovereign, so whatever comes, hell or high water, I'm going to be okay. I trust the Lord is with me." He knew God doesn't just react to what happens in people's lives; he rules over people's lives. There are no exceptions to God's sovereignty. Not even you. Not even your story.

God doesn't waste our pain, but here's the thing, Porch: we can waste our pain if we're not careful. As we look at the story of Joseph, we see that though he trusted the Lord and God provided for him time and again, he still had some piece of his heart living in the shadow of his estrangement. Though he was able to move forward in life, you see he doesn't actually walk back from betrayal; he walks down the road into bitterness.

The way we know it is if we keep reading in his story, we see he has gotten everything he has wanted. No one would think otherwise from trading into a life like Joseph had when he found himself in Egypt. He ascended to the right hand of Pharaoh. He got a new name, he got a new house, he got a new wife, and he got a new family. Everything looked amazing, yet as he stands at the precipice of all this new, he looks into his family and decides to name his sons a couple of different things.

It says in Genesis 41:51-52, "Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. 'For,' he said, 'God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father's house.' The name of the second he called Ephraim, 'For God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.'" How do we know Joseph wasted his pain? Because if we look at the names of these two boys, we realize he basically names his kids "Screw You" and "Look At Me Now." That's essentially what he does.

He looks at his former life and says, "No, no, no. In my now life, the life I have here today, I'm going to establish and identify the fact that I'm not who I once was, that what you did to me isn't being done to me any longer." He decides, in response to the powerlessness he felt as a child, to declare his power through his own children. It's because his betrayal grew into bitterness. Why? Because the longer you dwell on an offense, the more data you begin to collect about that offense, and the more data you collect about an offense breeds more disdain for the offender.

We know this. This is why, when someone pokes a little fun at you or takes a quick jab or makes a passing comment, when you should just dismiss it, you dwell on it. As you dwell on that one thing they said, you start to think about everything they said. As you think about everything they said, you start to think about all of the ways they said it.

As you start to think about all of the ways they said it, you start to think about what they probably meant by it, and what was just a passing comment about something weird you wore once is now a meticulously curated assault on your identity, because you have embittered yourself against them. You have imprisoned yourself to their thoughts about you. You have allowed what they said to take greater root in your life than it was ever meant to. You've allowed it to take greater real estate in your heart than it was ever meant to.

That's why victim mentality is just self-sabotage. It's imprisoning yourself to the past until you're so burnt up with bitterness that the greatest betrayer in your story isn't anyone else; it's you. The author of Hebrews tells us of a different way. He says in chapter 12, "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

What's he saying? Bitterness is like a weed. When I became a homeowner, the man in me was instantaneously in love with his front yard. I loved it. I loved striping that thing and edging that thing and making it look plush. I prided myself on that green pillow-top mattress, as I called my front yard. I so prided myself in it that I waged war on anything that would seek to kill it, which meant I took weeds very seriously.

What's the best way to deal with weeds? You do not wait until they break through the soil. You address the issue before they ever even appear. You weed and feed. You do exactly what the Puritans used to say. You keep short accounts with both God and men, because (this is the second point) the only cure for a bitter spirit is a forgiving heart.

That is something we learn in chapter 42 as Joseph and his brothers finally collide. They come face to face for the very first time in 13 total years. After all this estrangement, here they are face to face. It's at this point in the story, when famine has struck the land and caused Joseph's brothers to come to him, that we read this in Genesis 42:

"Now Joseph was governor over the land. He was the one who sold to all the people of the land. And Joseph's brothers came and bowed themselves before him with their faces to the ground. Joseph saw his brothers and recognized them, but he treated them like strangers and spoke roughly to them. 'Where do you come from?' he said. They said, 'From the land of Canaan, to buy food.' And Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him."

Why didn't they recognize him? Because a lot changes between 17 and 30 years old. Right? And he was now an Egyptian, which meant he had shaved his face. He had changed his clothes. He didn't look like them any longer. They did not recognize him. "And Joseph remembered the dreams that he had dreamed of them."

Those dreams which God had given to him at what point in his story? Before all of the betrayal began. Those dreams where he saw 12 sheaves of wheat bowing down before him. He remembers it in this moment, and he realizes, "That dream wasn't about something in the past; that dream was about this moment right here and now." It helps him realize he didn't arrive at this moment tossed to and fro by the whims and will of man; he arrived at this moment by the working of God.

It liberates him. It moves him out of being a victim of bitterness and allows him to become an agent of forgiveness. He realizes in this moment, "I've not been under the thumb of men more powerful than me. I've been under the hand of a God more powerful than them. God has been orchestrating my steps. He has been directing my movement. He has brought me to this moment right now. So it enables me to leave my bitterness and take up my forgiveness."

So, what does it look like to forgive? How do we do it? Is it an act of the heart? "You know what? That hurt really badly, but I don't hurt anymore. I've decided to put all of that pain away, and now I feel so good. I have such bliss because of you." Or is it an act of the mind? "Though that does hurt so very badly, I will reason myself toward reconciliation. That is a preferred future, and I will establish my steps to move that direction." No. It's neither of those things.

Forgiveness is an act of the will. It's a choice to forgive the other person. Here's the thing. That can feel like, "Oh, I'm just supposed to choose to forgive them?" That can feel really disabling, yet it's not disabling when you think about the motivation that undergirds that choice, because when you make a choice to forgive, you do so on the basis of a love that transcends what they did to you and depends on what Christ did for you. That's why you can do it.

Luke 7:47 says, "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." You see, we're able to forgive because we have been forgiven ourselves. Not because we earned it or deserved it but simply because Christ chose to give it. That's why.

So, what does forgiveness look like? Forgiveness looks like setting your oppressor free. That's it. If you look at forgiveness in the Greek, it literally means to set free. That's the idea. Forgiveness doesn't use its power to make that person pay. It doesn't keep them underneath your thumb. It doesn't keep score against them. It doesn't hold a grudge. It doesn't pray to God to strike them down at some point in the future. That's not what forgiveness does.

Forgiveness releases them from your hate. It liberates them from their shame. It frees them from their failure. The reason we know that is because this is what Christ has done for us. He has forgiven us our worst selves. The watershed of grace covers not just some of your sin. Brother, sister, it covers all of it. It covers every part of your story, especially the parts you cringe the most over. Because we have been forgiven like that, we forgive like that.

Now, am I saying that people shouldn't be held accountable for their actions? No, of course not. Truthfully, everyone needs to be held accountable for their evil, and some should face prosecution if it's criminal or abusive. But here's the thing, Porch: The goal is never retribution; it's always rehabilitation. It's not "You did this to me. Now look at what I'm going to do to you." That's not the heart of forgiveness.

The heart of forgiveness is "I want to help you get better. I want to do what is loving toward you, which means I'm going to give you an upward hand. I'm going to move you to a new station in life. I'm going to help you become who Christ wants you to become." That's why Jesus says in Matthew 18, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone." I think that's really important, because we often want to tell everybody else.

When someone offends you, the goal would be to go and tell them directly, between you and them alone. The reason you do it is if they listen to you, you've gained your brother. Do you see it? The motive behind accountability is not vengeance. It's not to get back at someone. It's to win them over. It's to help them out. It's to lead them to life. It's to ultimately make them more like Christ. It's a desire for the restoration of the individual, and it's a desire for the reconciliation of the relationship.

Here's what you need to know. Forgiveness is the precursor to reconciliation, but where forgiveness is a choice, reconciliation is a process. Reconciliation is a process more than a decision. Where forgiveness is an act of the will, reconciliation is an act of wisdom. We see it in Joseph's own story. He realizes God has been in control this entire time, that everything that has come to pass has been under the rule and reign of God's own sovereignty.

In chapter 42, he forgives them from his heart, but it's not until chapter 45 that the two disparate parties are actually reconciled to one another. Why? Why did it take three extra chapters? Why couldn't he have done it all in chapter 42? Why did he have to wait until chapter 45 to get to a place where he could forgive his brothers and reconcile the relationship? Because he needed to know they were ready to reconcile themselves. He needed to know they were safe to be reconciled to.

Some of you need to know that tonight. You're in the midst of an estranged relationship, whether it's from a parent or an old romantic interest or a brother or a sister or someone in your community you're no longer friends with. Whatever the nature of your estranged relationship, you're in a position tonight where you're longing for some kind of reconciliation. You want to bury the hatchet, and you want to go back to the way things were. No, you want to go farther than the way things were. You want it to be better than it ever was before.

What you need to know is that they're safe to be reconciled to. If you're here and you're the offending party, you need to consider, "What does it look like for me to grow in a way that demonstrates to the other that I'm safe to be with, that I'm someone they can trust, that I have matured, I have learned, I have surpassed my selfishness?" What we learn… I'm so grateful that this is what happens in Joseph's story. We actually get a picture of what it looks like to move toward reconciliation. We learn that it's two things. It's A + B = C. Point one and point two are going to equal reconciliation. So, what are the two points?

Point one is you have to test and prove the individual. We won't read it for the sake of time, but chapters 42, 43, and 44 are all about the process Joseph goes through to discern if his brothers are safe enough to reconcile with. It's fascinating. He's so thoughtful about the way he tests and proves his brothers. First, he claims, as they come to him in chapter 42, "You're here to spy out the land of Egypt," which is a reflection of their claim that he came to spy them out for the sake of their father.

Next, he binds one of their brothers, Simeon, before their eyes to be left in a foreign land, which parallels perfectly the fact that he was bound to be sent into a foreign land himself. As you move on from there, you find as they prepare to return to Canaan, he has his servants secretly put money into their sacks so that as they make the journey home, they'll find that they were paid. "How did we even get this money?" The reason he does it is when they sold him off, they had money from the exchange. They went home with money in their sacks.

He doesn't stop there. Once they return to Egypt with their youngest and most beloved brother Benjamin, Joseph sets him up, that youngest and most beloved brother, to appear as if he stole this silver cup, Joseph's own cup, to test whether or not the brothers would sell him out the way they sold him out to save their own hides. Why is Joseph doing all that? Is he just trying to get his pound of flesh? Is he trying to help them live through some semblance of what he himself suffered? No. That's not what he's trying to do.

He is trying to take them back to the same scenario they once lived through together to see how they respond. "Hey, in the face of a very similar situation, do you respond with violence, aggression, and selfishness or do you respond differently? Have you changed? Have you matured? Have you grown and transformed? Are you worthy of my trust today? You weren't worthy of it then, but I'm willing to consider if you're worthy of it now, because I want us to be reconciled to one another." He tests and proves them.

Here's what you need to know, Porch. If you're wanting for reconciliation, then you have to understand what I mean by testing and proving. It is not a sufficient justification for reconciliation to hear someone say, "Man, I know what I did was wrong, and I really want to do better." That's not enough. It's not enough to have really well-meaning intentions. There needs to be faithful action behind it.

Now, as they work to attest to the quality of their character and the consistency of their godliness, you pray for them. You wait with them. If you go and read his story, Joseph breaks bread with his brothers. He enjoys their company. He does so in safe spaces, but he doesn't rush to reconciliation, because he needs to test and prove that they are who he needs them to be. You have to do the same. So, the first thing you have to do is test and prove.

The second thing that must be true is there must be grace and truth. That's what we see in chapter 45. After Joseph has tested and proven that his brothers are, in fact, safe to reconcile with, we read this. Verse 3: "And Joseph said to his brothers, 'I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?' But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed at his presence."

They were caught. They were like, "Oh my gosh! You're him? You're the guy we sold off? Oh my gosh! What's going to happen to us?" Yet he looks at them and says, "'Come near to me, please.' And they came near. And he said, 'I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.'"

What does Joseph do? He speaks the truth to them. He tells them what happened. He tells them the God's honest truth of everything he endured, but not because he's trying to heap up guilt on them. "Look at what you guys did. Look at what you made me live through. How could you? How dare you?" He doesn't do that.

He tells them the truth. Not just once. He tells them twice that they sold him into Egypt, because only when the truth is known can grace respond. He doesn't tell them because he wants them to be filled with guilt; he tells them because he wants to flood them with grace. That's why he does it, and that's what we have to do. We must be willing to speak the truth, because then it prepares space for grace to invade.

It's really interesting. As you study the reconciliation account of Joseph, what you realize is over the course of chapters 42-50, he cries seven different times. If you're a Bible nerd, you're going to love this. You'll think this is the coolest thing ever. If you track those different crying accounts, you realize they have a chiastic structure, which simply means they are all pointing to the main idea of the story.

When you look at it, the first time he cries mirrors the seventh time he cries. The second time he cries mirrors the sixth time he cries. The third time mirrors the fifth. The one that has no reflection that is the main point, the hinge upon which the entire story is turning, is the fourth time he cries. It's in verse 15. It's right after he has told them the truth of what they did and has made space for grace to invade.

We read this in verse 15: "And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them. After that his brothers talked with him." This is the marquee moment of their reconciliation. That's what this moment signifies. That's what this chiasmus has been pointing to: that they are going to be reconciled to one another.

That can fill some of us with so much hope. We're here tonight, and we do have an estranged relationship in our life…an estranged relationship with a parent or a sibling or whoever it may be. We're like, "God, there is hope for me. We can be reconciled." Yet there are some of you who hear that, and all you feel is hopelessness, because for whatever reason, reconciliation is not an option for you at this time. The reason it isn't is either you can't reconcile or you won't reconcile. So, let me speak to you in the room if that's you tonight.

If you can't reconcile, then what you need to know is you have to trust the Lord. If you can't reconcile because they're not around anymore, because a parent has since died and moved on or because they don't care anymore…they've abandoned you and left you all alone… If the reason you are unable to seek reconciliation is it's just not possible…you cannot do it…then what you have to know is you must trust the Lord. That's the appropriate response.

Here's the thing, Porch. If you study the Scriptures and track where everything is heading, God is going to reconcile everything at some point in the future. He is going to right every wrong. He is going to wipe every tear. He is going to make things well again. So, if you're here and you can't reconcile, then just know this: he can for you. He will do it. He will face your injustices on your behalf.

For others of you, you're here and you won't reconcile. You're like, "Kylen, you don't know what they did to me. You don't know where they took me, what they did to me, the way they invaded my privacy, the way they controlled my life, the way they pushed me underneath their will and subjected me to their oppression. You don't know. I'm not going to forgive them. I won't do it. It is insane what they did."

What you need is grace. I'm not rushing you to that end, but I am saying you have a high King in heaven who knows full well what it feels like to be betrayed, slandered, mocked, scorned, spit upon, and totally sundered. He had grace for them. There's a Scripture that says he wants all people to come to the knowledge of his repentance, and that includes the person who perpetuated whatever that insidious evil is against you. You have grace for them because your King has grace for them too.

There are some of us here who aren't filled with hopelessness at the thought of this. You're filled with hope. As you consider the thought of, "Man, I can reconcile and things can be great again. We can move back, not just to where they've been, but we can go forward to where it should be," what you need to know is reconciliation is not going to be perfect. If you track the story of Joseph and his brothers, you see it's just five pages away that there's a rift in the family again.

As you come to the end of Genesis, in chapter 50, you find that his brothers are terrified because their father has gone to be with the Lord. He has passed away. As they look at Joseph, they're like, "Man, he has no reason to treat us well any longer. Dad is not here. He doesn't have to play nice anymore. He could have been doing this for Dad all along. Now he could be rid of us. He could dispense of us. We don't know what he's going to do." They're racked with fear.

Joseph tells them in the face of that fear… He says in Genesis 50, "Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." Joseph says, "God rules my life. He ruled it to this day, and he will rule it for all of my days. Even though there were times in the past that were hard, look at the way he has restored it. Look at the way he has redeemed it.

I have a story the likes of which only God could write. I trust him. I don't trust myself. Am I in the place of God? No. You're safe with me. God has been good, no matter what may come. Even when our father passes and future adversity prevails, I know that my hope is secure, that I have a steadfast promise, that I have a truth which is trustworthy, because God is with me."

Do you know that? Do you know for yourself that God is with you? As you move forward in life and face the estrangements in your story and seek after reconciliation, no matter what is ahead, God will provide. He'll take care of you. You see, that's not just the narrative of Joseph's story; that is the narrative of Jesus' story. Every one of us was estranged from God. We were separated in our sin. We were totally alienated from his presence.

Adam and Eve, our father and mother, sinned against God and were sent away from him. They moved to the east, and God went with them. God's heart was never to have distance between you and him, but his heart was to bridge the gap, and he planned it from the very beginning of the Bible. He always wanted to build a bridge and make a way for you to come home to him again, that estrangement wouldn't be your story.

The reason we know is because he never abandoned us. Jesus Christ came for us when we were worthy of being abandoned. He didn't just come to be with us; he came to save us, to cure the bitterness of our sin through his forgiving work on the cross by absorbing into himself all the consequence of your sin.

Did you know? Your sin is worthy of eternal damnation, yet Christ said, "I don't want that for you. I will take that instead. I will absorb the wrath of God into me that you might have reconciliation with God instead, that you can have relationship to him instead, that you can receive his love instead." In his resurrection, Jesus has reconciled us, that any who would place their faith in him would be restored in full, working, right, wonderful relationship to God.

If you're here, and you're considering the estranged relationships in your story, the first thing you must consider is whether or not you're estranged from God. His heart is to be reunited to you. We have to first approach him before we can approach anyone else. Let me pray for us.

God, we're so grateful for this evening. Thank you, God, for being kind to us. That's the story of the gospel. You're kind, merciful, loving, and gracious, God, and we know you never abandoned us. When we went far off, you did not leave us alone, but you chased us down. You raced after us, and you are seeking to bring us home. I pray, God, if there are friends here tonight who do not know you, before they would consider any other relationship, they would consider you, that they have to get a relationship with you before they can have a relationship with others.

Lord, I know this idea of estrangement is such a painful concept. As we sing this last song, Lord, I pray that you would be near to the brokenhearted and you would save the crushed in spirit, that those who are here who are wildly estranged from someone might sense your kindness near to them this evening in greater measure than they ever have before. We love you, Lord. It's in Christ's name we pray, amen.